“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” Anaïs Nin
Can’t Help Falling In Love With You (Cover) - Fleet Foxes
"Shall I stay?
Would it be a sin?
But I can’t help falling in love with you…”
Two words: Robin Williams. :(
Everyone faces depression at some point in their lives, but some people are especially prone to it. My dad believes that the more sensitive you are to the harsh realities of life, the more inclined toward depression you are. I guess you could call it “sensitivity,” but not in a woe-is-me sensitivity so much as this world is crap. This isn’t how the world should be. There shouldn’t be pain and suffering, but there is. There shouldn’t be cruelty and abuse, but there is. We long for a better place, but this life is all we have. Make the most of it.
One of my favorite, but also the saddest, episodes of Doctor Who is the one where Amy and the Doctor go back in time and visit Vincent van Gough (ISFP), who suffered from intense bipolar depression. He would be fine one moment, and in the depths of despair the next. His despair both stemmed from rejection of his work, and his internal pain, which prevented him from doing the thing that made him the most happy — painting. The real tearjerker moment comes when they take Vincent forward in time, to see an exhibition at the London Museum all about HIS paintings, and he can see the immense impact his work has had on generations of artists. He is the “favorite” artist of the museum curator. His life, which while he lived it, seemed so small, so unimportant, and so worthless, actually had a much larger impact than he could ever imagine.
Yours does too. No one walks in this world without leaving footprints in it, but it’s our choice as to what our footprints will be. Depression wants to steal those possibilities away from us and prevent us from making a difference in our world. Of course, we can’t change history, so Vincent did not live instead of die, much to Amy’s devastation, but imagine how much MORE he could have done, had he stayed. Depression is an absence of joy and a desire not to live, out of the belief that you are worthless, but you are not worthless. You are leaving footprints in the sand, and in the hearts of the people around you.
For whatever reason, depression seems to hit the NPs the hardest. Maybe because Ne is such a far-reaching function that it looks so wide in its scope, and sees all of history and time at once, collectively. Dwell on that too long (oh, hey, history sucked… and right now sucks too… and look, humanity has always treated other people like crap, and that’s not likely to change anytime soon!) and it’s… well, depressing. Of course, the nice thing about NFPs is that they can take their pain and turn it into beautiful things… music… lyrics… art… novels…
The drawback of being a Fi, of course, is that all your emotions are internalized and intense. They fill you up until you want to overflow… and if you don’t share it in some way through your Ne or Te you will want to make it all stop. Fe users have it easier than you, in this regard, because Fe can go up to someone else and say, “I hate my life right now, and I need you to help me not take this bottle of pills.” Fe feels better after talking through their feelings and getting outside emotional support. Fi never reaches that point, so to beat depression, YOU MUST BE ABLE TO EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS THROUGH YOUR NE.
If you are feeling suicidal, tell someone. GET HELP.
Sometimes, anti-depressants can help. Consider taking them.
Ultimately, what happens in your life is up to you, and you have an enormously creative function at your disposal. Instead of using it to think of all the reasons why you hate your life, use it to create. Design. Paint. Dance. Write. Get those bad feelings out of your body. Write them all down in a journal and burn it at midnight under a full moon, while wearing a raincoat and fez if you want. Just get rid of it.
In the process, you may create something devastatingly beautiful.
ENFPs especially need to have a greater life purpose. Find that something you care about most in the entire world, and pursue it with all your heart. Use your bombastic personality to recruit others of a similar mind and make a difference for the greater good. Sometimes, all the enormous problems of the world and our own past pains can be forgotten underneath the happiness of knowing you have done one thing to make one person’s (or animal’s) life better.
Finding people attractive when you’re asexual is like, “I don’t know what I want to do with you exactly, but I wanna do a lot of it.”